Is it time to heal?
Our body doesn't break down for no reason. Pains, aches, acne, headaches, injuries are not just happening. Of course - there is always physical effects, such as food, sleep and lifestyle choices. But they are not everything.
I have learned to observe myself and others over the past years. Why some people were getting sick and others did not? I knew a person when I was 18, who got psoriasis, and year later got a cancer. I was shocked, and felt helpless that I was not able to help in any way. That was the first time I started searching answers. For the first time I have learned about psychosomatics - connection between our emotions and diseases.
Only years later I started to hear about Louise Hay - one of the greatest spiritual teachers. She has a book 'You can heal your life." I was very sceptical at that time, but life seemed to lead me to her. In 2018 I got the eye chalesion, that looked awful and it did not go for almost a year, no matter what I tried. After trying many things from traditional medicine, meeting many doctors, I gave in. More with "whatever attitude." Let's try this holistic healing. It was for the first time that I couldn't get better, and I have changed a lot: I started to sleep 7-8 hours strict, I removed most of inflammatory foods, was removing load for my body. We always come with expectations to healing journey. We want it fast, we want it now. We can't wait to get better, we have no patience. healing doesn't happen when we are using our analytical thinking. It happens when you go deeper, when we trust, when we accept things as they are and surrender to the experience.
I have read "You can heal your life" and I started to listen to Louise Hay. She taught only one thing - self-love. At that time I thought I have loved myself. Not that much. I loved myself when I was good, when I was at my best. And when I wasn't - I would push myself harder next time. I decided to experiment with her concept, I always do that when I am sceptical. To my huge surprise - it worked. Instead of telling myself"You rested too long, you must perform, be productive, this is unacceptable", I started to change my conversation to "I know it doesn't feel good, but I love you, I forgive you, you will do better, you are just a human, you are allowed to do mistakes." I started to use the same approach with my clients. And it worked as well! they were cliticising themselves more than me.
I never liked to be angry, and didn't accept that part of me. How can I be kind and so spiritual and be upset? And then when I was getting angry, I started to look in the mirror and soothe myself "I love you, I forgive you." It was like a wave of release. I did not know I could do that before. We are taught to perform in life, but much better to learn to love yourself and performance will happen automatically. You will perform because it makes you feel good, and you will rest when you are tired.
I see so many people with chronic conditions: skin diseases, diabetes, blood pressure, sciatica, who rely on pills. They think it will help them. They are cutting the leaves on the tree, instead of removing the root.
I always go to the root of the problem, I dig deeper for the answers. Healing is hard. I am not talking about temporary relief. I am talking about complete healing, when you become a different person. I thought if I heal, I become someone I don't like, I won't be myself. In reality, I became more of myself - more loving, more compassionate, more understanding, more patient. And I actually started to do more, because there is less baggage of the painful past that stops me. I feel like a clean slate, opening my new chapter.
The huge leap was also made in November 2019, when I have discovered Dr. Joe Dispenza. I finally understood him, his meditations were the most profoud for me. I really started to feel like a new person - with not so much hurt and fears of the past. And the final leap of healing was in May 2021. I did not not know what was happening, but I started to get worse and worse and worse mentally. And the worst thing there was no even reason for it. I went for Chakra Scan and during the consultation I asked "Sometimes you dont want to hear, because you are afraid to lose yourslef". She replied "But how then you will know what's on other side?" Hmmmm... Good point. It was all I needed to hear. I allowed myself to heal. I allowed myself to move forward. I allowed myself to let go. I had long meditation when I kept repeating "I allow myself to heal." Then something even more unexpected has happened, I got worse. I didn;t feel that awful for very long time, I just cried for no reason for 2 days. I couldn't stop. I could not explain it. I felt grief for the years that I wasted by living in the pain and not letting go sooner. And then I started to get better. We went on vacation with my husband and it felt like honeymoon. I was different. I was the one that I wanted to be. I was better. Finally. Almost 4 years later. Healing can never be rushed. It is difficult to face all your supressed over the years emotions, it's hard to love and accept yourself, it's hard to forgive and let go, it's hard to allow yourself to be yourself. It is hard. But it is always worth it. The more exciting things start after the healing. We can finally move towards better future and stop living towards the past.
"Known hells are preferred to unknown heavens."
with Love and Blessings,
your coach Irina Ko