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Control or Letting Go? What do you need now?

I have been studying and applying personal development for the past 8 years and I was always looking for that sweet spot between controlling things you can control and letting go when you need to. To no surprise I have found myself more than once on the extreme side of one or another.


I am a person of neither-nor and this or that. I don't accept dichotomy in thinking.

I want to have it all, in a healthy and expanding way. I am not ok with putting all my cards on career and money-making and miss out on my important relationship, family time or health. But it is also not ok for me to not get what I want, on the other side.

Controlling things is seen as power nowadays, or on the opposite - overly flowing and "live in the moment" people see it as not required effort, too much hustle.



Few days ago I have discovered 4 stages of Spiritual Development. I always deepen my spirituality, when I feel like I have controlled all I could and nothing seems to happen. That's a time for me to deepen my faith, purpose and trust in guidance.


I never look for the information, it always comes to me. I was brought to the teachings of Michael Beckwith. It finally became clear. These are just stages that we can go through. There is nothing wrong about any of them. Whew. That's a big relief! :)


All our changes happen when we leave Stage 1 - Victim Mentality. I have left this stage at 22 years old, in 2012. I clearly remember the time when I was so upset and thinking "But, but, those people didn't go through what I did, they were lucky... but... it never happened to them... but..." And my thoughts have frozen. That was my breakthrough - I could never blame someone or something, I was the only person responsible for the past choices and I am the one who can change it. We all have those moments in time, when you remember every detail, when you know - you will never be the same again.


Yes, that's absolutely crucial! Any progress starts from taking responsibility of your choices, they show the results we have been producing. You have no money - because you didn't work to get them, you have no friends around you - because you don't treat them right, you can't lose weight - because you do nothing that actually works and so on. But don't fall into the trap of blaming yourself either - this just keeps you in the past.

It's not your fault your boyfriend/girlfriend left you. BUT. It's your responsibility to forgive, let go and move on.

That's how we go from Life is happening TO me towards Stage 2 - Manifestor Consciousness . At this stage - Life is happening FOR me. That's when you take charge, take control, break through, you achieve, adapt and overcome. You envision your future and work towards making it happen.

It does work.

I have used it for many years to achieve health, development, relationship, career and many other goals. The only concern here - most often than not - it's all society-driven goals. You chase money, things, people, being known, being the best, being somebody you are not.


And then - things happen.

Things that are out of your comfort - you get upset, things weren't planned this way.

Relax, kiddo! That's just life taking power back :)

And in reality - we were never in charge that much anyway...


We reach the point when doing the same things that don't make sense anymore. There is no juice, no motivation, you have ALREADY got it. And did it make you as happy as you thought to be?

I don't even mean success on extremely high level. For me - Ukrainian girl from small city - moving from 500$ monthly salary towards 5000$ was huge! I had to work on a lot of things in myself to get there. Getting in a great shape and health, doing meditations, constant reading and learning, going through fears, feeling uncomfortable, constantly being disappointed by people and many more others - were just a few of my sacrifices. I definitely loved the journey...

But. There is always "but", isn't it?!


If you ever achieved something and asked yourself "Is it all there is?!"- you, ungrateful bastard :)

Just kidding, of course. That's how I thought of myself in the first place.


It is the perfect time for you to move to the next level Stage 3 - Channeler Consciousness. That's where Life is happening THROUGH me. This is the energy of letting go, allowing things to flow. By this time, you have already learned how to control things that you can, now it's time to trust the Universal guidance and... SURRENDER.

Surrender does not mean giving up, it's doing the right thing, that doesn't cause emotional discomfort and letting go off the outcome. You know - you will arrive at the destination that your soul desires. That's how we find our true purpose, that doesn't depend on socially accepted norms, that's the norm which makes you happy every day. This is your own art, the way you design your own movie.

But. Again. Last but not least.


This is not the end either. Stage 4 - is Being Consciousness. That's the stage, when you ARE one with Universe, God and others. You are a part of everything. I will be honest here, the only time I experience it - is during deep meditation, when I feel how life flows through me and I am one with Universe. That's the time when I AM love and I never feel alone at this moment, I have all that I need.

I might be wrong here, as I am somewhere in transition between 2nd and 3rd stage. I had a long period of time when I was moving within 3rd stage - trusting the flow of life, but was constantly pulled away to 2nd stage - achievement and control.

How much we love to control, don't we?! :) That gives us certainty, but never makes us truly happy. It can make you feel satisfied, pleased, have momentary thrill and excitement, but it will never give you a sense of bliss, peace and fulfillment.

Now what?

If you have been playing the victim and it everyone's fault that your life sucks - then take control. I doubt though, you will be reading it now. I live in Dubai, UAE, achievement-driven people almost everywhere. If you are a control-freak, let go and feel the uncertainty of life, that comes with excitement and surprises. Life will turn into daring adventure and exploration. And if you are at stage three or four - I would love you to be my friend, as that's where I want to stay and go further. We have something to talk about :)



With much love and compassion,

Your coach Irina Al Daker

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